Why do kids bully?
Bullying is unfortunately a common problem in schools, with surveys suggesting one in five teenagers are bullied.
While schools are responsible for ensuring a safe environment, parents are likely to be distressed and unsure about what to do if their child is being bullied.
What exactly is bullying? And how can you help your child if you are concerned?
What is bullying?
Bullying is not just kids being thoughtless or a bit mean. It is not a single act, a mistake, or a mutual disagreement.
About one in five teenagers say they have been bullied in the past 12 months.
Bullying is a repeated act of aggression that is intended to cause harm. It can be physical (harming the person or their belongings), verbal (written and spoken words that cause harm), or social (isolating someone, harming their social standing, or sharing private information).
It is not a “normal” childhood experience – it is targeted and has long-lasting and serious effects for the victim.
These effects include reduced engagement in education and loneliness at school, loss of self-esteem, psychological distress, depressive symptoms, problems with sleep, suicide and suicidal ideation, non-suicidal self-injury and substance abuse.
Bullying can be overt and hidden
Bullying can be overt with observable actions like kicking or name-calling.
Or it can be covert, which is more hidden and can include whispering, exclusion, and rumours. While females and males are equally likely to have experienced bullying and are equally likely to bully, males are more likely to engage in overt physical bullying, while females are more likely to engage in covert bullying through social or cyber behaviour
A 2019 Mission survey found 21% of young people aged 15–19 reported bullying in the past 12 months. Of those who had been bullied, nearly 80% said the bullying took place at school.
More than 70% said the bullying was verbal, 61% said it was social, 36.5% said it was cyberbulling and about 20% said it was physical.
There is less concrete data about younger children’s experiences of bullying. One reason is they tend to over-report behaviours that would not be defined as bullying. For example, a young child may believe they are being bullied if someone does not want to play with them.
Bullying in this age group can also be viewed by some researchers and educators with less concern as it can be incorrectly labelled as a “normal” part of childhood.
Why do people bully?
Bullying behaviour is often motivated by a desire to meet basic needs for recognition, attention and approval. It is a misguided attempt to increase your popularity by making other people look small.
As UK bullying expert Elizabeth Nassem notes, if children are popular they can
achieve respect, influence, admiration and leadership over their peers – sadly, at the expense of other children.
Another reason young people is bully is because they have been mistreated, experienced shame, or bullied themselves by peers, parents, or siblings. They bully others as an attempt to seek revenge and regain a sense of self-worth.
There are also systemic reasons why young people bully. Schools that don’t adequately supervise students, or have practices or policies that exclude young people with diverse needs can contribute to bullying.
